Mind Games: The Games We Play

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Lies and deception, oh my! We all lie, we do it all the time and we do it for "social niceties." In our day-to-day conversations we fill them with lies. Everybody Has to Lie by Harvey Sacks, coined the name, "conversation analysis" that detailed the myriad deceptions he found, through research, in ordinary day-to-day settings, beginning with our basic greetings. 

We would say, "How are you?" in which the person who asks does not really car, and the person who answers isn't expected to be truthful. 

People most skilled in these forms of deception are often thought of as charismatic, even "sincere." They 'appear' to be interested in what we have to say. They ooze empathy and put us at ease. We often describe them as emotionally intelligent. 

Given how much we say we care about the truth, we don't have positive things to say about people who just say what is on their minds. We don't have a word for someone who doesn't lie enough when the rules of social engagement demand it. (In truth we do, we call them "assholes.") 

If we were stronger, wiser and less Lear-like, we could simply tell the truth and others would welcome it. But since we are all vain and insecure, fearful and petty, fragile and weak, only a fool presents the unvarnished truth and expects to be properly heard. 

Our brains understand, through rules passed down from generation to generation over mankind's existence, that survival is a tough business and you don't want to make more enemies than you need. Politeness in human groups, tribes and clans is mirrored by "rules" of conduct that govern other species. Social coordination and cooperation are absolute toward survival of our species, even in these most modern technological times. 

It would seem to me, people just don’t want to hear the truth but want to hear only that which is their truth or bolsters/validates their truth. Especially in these modern times, we no longer exchange and listen as a means to verify, validate and change the way we think, act and believe but seek out ONLY that which validates what we have come to believe be it factual or just plain lies, lies, lies. 

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