Blog Article/Post Caveat (Read First Please: Click the Link)
It is an intricate part of our being human, everyone experiences anger at one time or another and when we see it, we often see it first in the face of those angry. Anger is a necessary emotion for our very survival. Know and understand this then learn, train and practice to control the anger. Humans lean to control anger as a natural part of our development, assuming all is equal and going well.
Rage, the extreme end of the spectrum of anger. You see, we deal with anger from a mile upset all the way up to a state of rage. Rage is also there to stay and that shows in the research that one out of five people will experience attacks of rage that they cannot control.
Aggression comes from anger and anger comes from aggression and aggression is an important part of the natural world. After all, at our basest self violent combat between males before mating upholds the rule of survival of the fittest and ensures the strength of the gene pool.
Mothers also engage in aggression to protect offspring from predators. Our anger emiton is closely connected to our defense of territory, group, mate and self often seen in the animal kingdom. Anger evolved as a combination of feelings and behaviors that us used as a tool to change other people's behaviors.
As an evolutionary survival tool, one must take into consideration the cost-benefit of our behavior. It is critical to control anger and aggression to hold together the social fabric and group dynamic. We have to recognize, understand and thus control anger and aggression because excessive anger and aggression undermines current and future interactions all based on the survival.
This makes our learning about anger and aggression, especially when and how and the why of its use, to control it. We can't let go of anger and we can try to stop our tantrums but in essence it is better to control its release according to necessity and to keep a control on its intensity to achieve positive and beneficial objectives.
Anger and aggression, like all emotions, is contagious so our control effects those around us and to maintain a healthy social environment is also critical because self and group dynamics spells out the very survival of our species.
The ability to experience, recognize and manage emotions, feelings and moods becomes life changing when it rises up through conflict and violence, especially outside one's group. The more you know, the more you understand and the more you consciously effect the why, how and when of emotions, feelings and moods - especially anger and aggression - the better you can manage them when the chemical adrenal stress-conditioned stimulus arrives on our doorstep.
Lean how you can recognize, express and discuss your thoughts and emotions. Verbalizing one's aggressive thoughts and feelings is the first step to managing violence, anger and aggression. Talking it out, at the very least in your own mind goes a long way to taking control of the monkey-mind. Be mindful when you get feelings over overstimulation so that you can trigger your self-talk. Taking a visualization effort when you recognize anger and aggression creeping up on you, visualize it and how you would control it especially in situations where emotions are already in a lighter lessor effect state then when it hits the fan...
Self-talk, the ability to silently discuss internally/quietly processes that will fully explain what it is you are feeling, why you feel it and what you can do to alleviate the feelings, moods and emotions.
Another technique is a diary, put into words your feelings and behaviors after an incident. Write a full account of the incident, with a focus on how it started, what you were feeling and any actions taken as a result. Do the best you can and then discuss it at least with self-talk.
Beware of acting on your emotions, especially anger and aggression because it can be like a drug, it can release impulses of a kind of relief and it can fool you into believing that it solves problems when the truth of it is, in many cases it excerbates problems rather than solves them. Remember, when it is necessary to express, especially physically, violence of anger and aggression then it is the only tool to trigger and where most lose it is not seeing that line and then crossing it makes things ... sticky.
Find out, identify and label, your frustrations because in many cases the feeling of frustration is the doorway to anger and aggression. In order to change form an angry person you really have to deal with expectations and frustrations or anger will rule your life and anger begets anger; anger is aggression; aggression is anger and both simply exacerbate and escalate conflict and violence.
Ratey, John J. “A User’s Guide to the Brain: Perception, Attention and the Four Theaters of the Brain.” Pantheon. January 1, 2001.
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