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The art of assertiveness is critical to avoid threats and many don't really understand what it means to be assertive. First and foremost, it is you protecting your rights through the enforcement of the boundaries you set for yourself. You must respect others rights and others MUST respect your rights and that means respecting your boundaries.
To understand assertive, you must understand 'passive and aggressive' behavior. Passive, is when a person allows someone to abuse their rights. When you behave passively, you set yourself up to be angry, frustrated, and depressed. Passive behavior ends up hurting everyone involved sooner or later, it is a bad way to handle things.
We all need boundaries, we need them in family situations; we need them in work environments; we need them is social collectives and we need them in those situations outside the others already listed. We and they need to know our place in the home, the neighborhood, work and in other social settings. We need them to feel safe.
Aggressiveness is not conducive to social and personal relationships. Aggressive folks trample your rights and boundaries, they are verbally abusive and it creates a lot more issues and problems than they solve even for the person utilizing that aggressive behavior. It creates stress; it creates resentment; it causes depression; it fosters animosity to all who encounter and endure it. It is bullying and bullying is violence and anger, in most cases, is not necessary (except when it is necessary). Folks rebel when confronted by aggressiveness.
Using the fundamental principle of yin/yang, we find passiveness to be extreme yin; we find aggressiveness to be extreme yang; AND harmony, contentment and balance come from the art of assertiveness. Assertiveness is that 'just right' point represented by the line that makes an "S" division in the yin/yang symbol.
Assertiveness behavior respects, protects, and honors the rights of everyone involved. When you behave in this manner you 'choose' to not let others abuse you or take away your rights or to violate your boundaries. You do this in such a way, assertively, that respects the rights of others.
Assertiveness DOES NOT require you control anyone else's behavior. You CANNOT force, coerce or mandate others behavior, that is their sole responsibility. To aggressively or passively acting takes away the other persons rights.
Set limits, boundaries, and then enforce them - assertively, not passively or aggressively because that is pure manipulation. You must follow-through when your limits, boundaries, are crossed, destroyed or violated by others but in an assertive, positive and mutually beneficial way.
Following through, sometimes it means setting the boundary again; sometimes it means getting someone in authority involved; sometimes is means simply walking away or avoiding it altogether or escaping and evading others. IT is NEVER yelling, using intimidation, and/or especially using violence (Physical Force).
If it harms you or someone else it should be avoided. If it means you take the upper hand with someone or to do anything that is possibly harmful to them or yourself, avoid it.
Remember also that SELF-SERVING behaviors are a part of aggressive behaviors.
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