Blog Article/Post Caveat (Read First Please: Click the Link)
Literally, it is defined as: “the showing of politeness in one's attitude and behavior toward others; a polite speech or action, especially one required by convention.” Social courtesy is defined as: "excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior. a courteous, respectful, or considerate act or expression. indulgence, consent, or acquiescence..."
A courteous person is defined as: "If you are courteous, your good manners show friendliness and concern for others, like your courteous habit of holding the door for people entering a building with you. The adjective courteous comes from the Old French word curteis, which means having courtly bearing or manners.”
What is etiquette, it is defined as: “following rules that govern behavior- it might be the reason that causes you to behave a certain way. Courtesy is behaving in a way that benefits others- it means thinking of the effect of your behavior. ... Courtesy is politeness, respect, and consideration for others.”
Cultural etiquette or courtesy is defined as: “what you call the codes of behavior that rule different cultures - in other words, what's acceptable and what isn't in a society.”
It is said at one source that “modern manners, codes of behavior, decorum and rules of etiquette matter in every culture and society – they illuminate and respect the human experience. Observing manners when out and about in society is, and should be ‘cool’, even in a casual setting.”
It has been of recent times to my perspective that most of modern society, we humans as a species of a cultural and social nature have fallen from grace in regard to our social and cultural courtesies, i.e., our social and personal etiquette is nil to null to barely passable.
In the martial communities the concept of courtesy toward harmony and enlightenment to cement our social connections that literally mean survival seems insincere because it barely, if ever, manifests into our daily lives. We seem to feel it a requirement toward some goal like rank or grade and then we dress after training, walk out the dojo doors and resume our modern natural behaviors that I feel left etiquette and courtesy both cultural and personal in the darkness of dev-null (a void in computer unix lingo meaning gone forever and untraceable and unable to return to the light of day).
In the dojo it is referred to as, “reigi [礼儀]” where the characters are defined into English as, “manners; courtesy; etiquette.” The three terms cover, as the above definitions indicate, what it is that is missing well because we often fail to have good manners, proper courtesy and act according to social and cultural etiquette.
In our race to get more gadgets, apps and “likes” we have created an environment and attitude of commercial consumerism based on influence and compliance where without we lose status and we cannot attain our desire for instant gratifying things and feelings. We have seemingly forgotten that courtesy is actually tied to human species survival.
We have deluded ourselves into thinking that such things are not necessary and when we suffer, anger and violence follow. We resist rules not set individually and without concern for the rules and rights, both written and unwritten, of others further causing seperation and loss of connection necessary toward our very survival.
Some quotes that lead to this feeling:
"Intolerance of others' views (no matter how ignorant or incoherent they may be) is simply wrong; in a world where there is no right or wrong, it is worse: it is a sign you are embarrassingly unsophisticated or, possibly, dangerous."
The ideologue is hyper-judgmental and censorious, always knows what's wrong with others, and what to do about it. It seems that the only people willing to give advice in a relativistic society are those with the least to offer.
This leads me to feel that folks have forgotten what courtesy and etiquette bring to our survival and we assume that social media makes up for that when in truth it does not because humans need contact and contact means social interactions where we can feel, touch, see, hear and even taste others of like mind.
How best to get a better picture of why such things are critical to human survival, socially and literally, read the post on Chaos and Order that follows this post.
Back on track, I remember not only being trained in social etiquettes, familia and group oriented, that I also felt it and learned more because it was a requirement of attending schools as well as mandated in almost all social interactive situations and environments. That seems to be slipping into oblivion in today’s modern fast-paced overwhelming stimulated world.
It seems to me that such courtesies result in what one author terms, “shared belief systems.” It says, “Shared belief systems - shared systems of agreed upon conduct and expectation - regulate and control the powerful emotions of disgust, contempt, guilt, anxiety, dread and rage. People will fight to protect something that saves them from being possessed by emotions of chaos and fear and terror (and after that from degeneration into strife and combat). AND Loss of group-centered belief renders life chaotic, miserable, intolerable; presence of group-centered belief makes conflict with other groups inevitable.”
We are headed, in my feeling of the situation, into a deep chasm of chaos. Chaos and order are defined through a taoist symbolism of yin/yang in that one must live on the line between chaos/yang and order/yin to find a balance that works personally and socially, i.e., group order. The author goes on to state, “We require rules, standards, values - alone and together. We are pack animals, beasts of burden. We must bear a load, to justify our miserable existence. We require routine and tradition. That’s order. Order can become excessive, and that is not good, but chaos can swamp us, so we drown - and that is also not good. We need to stay on the straight and narrow path. There is a dividing line between chaos and order and that is where we are simultaneously stable enough, and cooperating enough.”
What is the solution, take out the rule books on courtesy, manners and etiquette and make them a part of home training and practice while supporting and enhancing the family training with social in the school systems. I remember long, long ago when such training was mandatory, it was considered critical to ‘getting along’ in social group environments and situations.
It might be best said, “Civilization only arises when some restraining rules and morality are in place. - Dr. Norman Doidge, MD
I once heard, read, a very famous and successful person of character, honor and personality who said his secret to success was, ‘tenacity and gratitude,” where gratitude is just one trait of one who holds courtesy and etiquette as a hallmark, cornerstone if you will, to not just success but survival and that is because those traits and skills are the ones found in proper reigi.
When next you bow out of the dojo, remember to keep that honor of manners and courtesy for everyone you meet out there, in the universe and in environments that you live and work and socially connect on a personal basis with others, out there…
For reference and sources and professionals go here: Bibliography (Click the link)
I used: Tangorin Online
https://www.thecultureconcept.com/society-and-culture-codes-of-behaviour-and-manners-matter
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