Blog Article/Post Caveat (Read First Please: Click the Link)
This singular, soul word is a big word and as a big word it does a lot, both good and bad and because this is a karate martial art self-protection self-defense article we will focus on how this word is bad when it comes to avoidance and deescalation.
When we talk, communicate if you wish, it is often about us talking to and about other people where we have the speaker and the hearer (it is to be noted that there is a difference between hearing and listening and that is another article).
Humans use the word 'you' extensively when communicating to others and using the word makes it more 'personal' and personal has its own issues in self-protection. How, you ask? Well, when you make statements using the word 'you' that makes what ever is said, "Personal" and that is subject to many things like the tone of voice, the speakers facial expressions, the speakers body language and then the content of the words themselves and how they trigger and effect the hearer/listeners beliefs both cultural and social, the experiences along with memories and many other emotionally driven egoistic sometimes, often really, status concepts and so on. Can you imagine where this is going?
Even the most innocuous words, sentences and conveyed idea's, etc., can come across as a personal attack when coupled with the word "YOU." In short, if YOU DON'T want to trigger the other persons emotional ego and perceptions then DO NOT USE the word YOU. The very instance the word you is presented in the communications dependent on the above factors and concepts and more, the very instance the recipient will take it "PERSONALLY" and that is even if your intent was not to make it personal.
Ever hearing of modes like, "blaming mode" used in the gentle art of verbal self-defense? Blaming mode tends to use the word, "you" and that points the talkers finger to the hearer/listener immediately influencing what follows regardless of intent one way or the other. Can you imagine, see in your mind's eye and pretend being on the receiving end just how fast your monkey brain is triggered taking over and pushing you to hit that motherf*&%$# right in the mouth?
It's hard, thinking about what you are saying in the heat of a very often stress filled moment where any slip up will trigger aggressions and often violences can't you? See how the use of you even in seemingly innocent ways still tells the listener that it is about YOU and what YOU said or did or how YOU acted and can YOU feel that natural tendency to trigger your DEFENSIVE modes even when later thinking about it YOU will often say, "why did I clock that asshole, he didn't really say anything all that bad?"
Picture your self-defense defense and picture how the prosecutor is going to take these slipups and glitches like using the word YOU to make YOU look like the aggressor. No, no, no YOU say, that ain't how it happened all the while letting the monkey trigger YOUr anger while on the stand in front of the jurors, the court and the judge who are going to ... see that in your mind's eye why don't YOU!
If practitioners of self-protection already know that to deescalate and avoid violence the voice and WORDS used can mean the difference between success and facing the emergency room and the legal system. In the GAVSD there is a set of modes a person can use, with a ton of practice especially under duress and stress training conditions, to keep attitudes and body language associated with words at a state where all parties exchange and communicate rather than slip the dogs of war on everyone's ass, like using the "computer mode" of speaking.
In communications how one speaks tends to trigger how body language, especially facial expressions, convey the meaning of what transpires. Humans cannot FAKE body language so the training and practice has to be extensive enough so that a person believes wholeheartedly in not just what is said but what is communicated in both words and the resulting body/facial language communicated to others.
Did YOU detect the differences in these written words when YOU was removed or replaced with other generic appropriate words? I suppose you already figured that out didn't YOU?
Models of self-protection, self-defense, must address all issues, skills and concepts that include the words used and how those words are expressed assuming you already train to avoid and deescalate, right?
Try this, when teaching and practicing self-protection such as deescalation/avoidance through communications, record the session then gather the dojo together to view it and discuss what emotional feelings are triggered dependent on what was said and the body language displayed. Listen to the words and then decide how they are interpreted by all who are in attendance. Try having everyone write down the answers to such questions in a notebook, generic with no names, etc., and then have the dojo leadership create a comparison of the feelings and emotional concepts and triggers that are presented in the notebooks because everyone will be surprised just of diverse interpretations will be.
- Ask, what is said and seen, how will that effect those in witness to the situation?
- How will that effect those who first respond like LEO’s?
- How will that affect the perceptions and minds of the legal system such as the judge and the jurors?
Remember, self-defense is more than what folks think it is especially in the dojo AND remember that once you have successfully protected and defended, assuming it went physical, you still have a long road to travel continuing that defense into the legal system, legally and socially.
In a way, “Choose Wisely” how you train, practice and apply such skills.
Dojo Example:
Senpai: You are doing that wrong, here’s how it should be done.
Senpai: You are doing really well, let me show you some different ways to do this.
Which would you prefer and which would simply piss you off, be honest with yourself. Words do MATTER!
For reference and sources and professionals go here: Bibliography (Click the link)
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