Self-Awarness

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Can people truly be self-aware? Yes, the dictionary says that one who is self-aware is, "having conscious knowledge of one's own character and feelings." We can do that but can we avoid our emotions, can we control them and can we redirect our actions when they hit? 

The following discusses emotions with emphasis on the negative ones because it is the negative emotions, the bat-crazy monkey brain of emotions that get folks into trouble from a simple disagreement with a friend or family member all the way up to violent physical actions against others. 

People know already that the mind leads the body, i.e., we think due to external and internal stimuli then we act and those actions are often determined by how we think, how we perceive and our experiences up to that point of exposure to said stimuli. It can be said:

"Negative emotions stop us from thinking and behaving rationally and seeing situations in their true perspective. When this occurs, we tend to see only what we want to see and remember only what we want to remember. This only prolongs the anger or grief and prevents us from enjoying life."

Now, in my humble limited experience the more positive emotions can also stop us from thinking clearly, like when we fall in love, and seeing things with clarity, like failing to see some personal trait that could lead to negative emotions and psychological ill-effects. There is more, this is a simplistic example to get a point across - do some research!

Folks, especially those already in the martial arts or in professions that deal with social aggression and violence, know that when emotions hit, especially the negative ones, it releases a flood of chemicals, I refer to it as the chemical dump, that are hormonal in nature like adrenaline, etc. These chemicals send our bodies, and minds, into a state, sometimes extreme, state of arousal. 

It should be noted that all emotions do this but in defense-protection oriented training and practices we would be best informed if we focus on the negative, i.e., hate, anger, jealousy, etc. 

Emotions are not taught in the classroom and for many people not taught adequately by family and social exposure as we grow up. Emotions are only studied by the psychology experts in the hope of helping those with bad coping skills to cope with emotions. 

In defense-protection (commonly referred to as self-defense) communities we will seldom see anyone spending time helping practitioners with what emotions are and how to deal with the negative ones. 

Note this carefully, in regard to violence the negative emotions often driven by negative self-talk that creates and fosters a negative mind-set and mind-state are those very things that lead to aggression and violence both at a personal level and up to the extreme social called, "War." 

Terminology, read about that earlier on in the book, along with attitude, knowledge, understanding and especially overall experience(s) are those factors and teachings that help us understand emotions and how to cope, handle, them both as a person and with others. 

How we self-talk, how we think, and how we act all come from how we set the mind be it negative or positive or some beneficial combination. That is what this is about, to give the reader, thus the practitioners, some foundation to learn, train and handle negative emotions before they get us into trouble.

Back to the subject, self-awareness, people cannot attain that degree of self-awareness when they don't know what that is and what personal psychological traits they have that would lead us astray. This is even more difficult when one's very cultural social construct does not provide those coping skills and are ignorant of that themselves. It comes down to learning to know what you don't know and what you don't know you don't know. Yep, I wrote that from the works of another author who actually wrote that ...

Self-awareness is how one achieves proper self-discipline. The two are a type of yin-yang thing where one complements and effects the other. It is about achieving both by the very understanding and ability to recognize, handle and/or put said emotions into a state of stasis so they are there but we are aware and able to, with concerted effort from training and practice, let our logic deal with situations in lieu of the monkey brain. 

Some examples are first, recognize the following emotional states (not all inclusive but rather an sampling):

• Entitlement: the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. This is the one I put, personally, at the top of the list because both entitlement and self-righteousness are what I believe are the forerunners to aggressive behaviors and resulting violence. 
• Self-righteousness: having or characterized by a certainty, especially an unfounded one, that one is totally correct or morally superior.
• Moralizing: comment on issues of right and wrong, typically with an unfounded air of superiority.
• Hypocritical: behaving in a way that suggests one has higher standards or more noble beliefs than is the case.
• Sanctimonious: making a show of being morally superior to other people.
• Arrogance: having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities.
• Conceited: excessively proud of oneself; vain.
• Paranoid: a mental condition characterized by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, or exaggerated self-importance, typically elaborated into an organized system.
• Cowardly: lacking courage.
• Deluded: impose a misleading belief upon (someone); deceive; fool.
• Dominating: have a commanding influence on; exercise control over.
• Egocentric: thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others; self-centered.
• Egotistical: excessively conceited or absorbed in oneself; self-centered.
• Self-Obsessed: excessively preoccupied with one's own life and circumstances; thinking only about oneself.
• Superior: having or displaying feelings of scorn for what is regarded as beneath oneself.
• Ignorance: lack of knowledge or information.
• Insensitive: showing or feeling no concern for others' feelings.
• Judgemental: having or displaying an excessively critical point of view.
• Manipulation(tive): characterized by unscrupulous control of a situation or person.
• Vengefulness: Characterized by or stemming from a desire for revenge.
• Viciousness: deliberate cruelty or violence; aggressive, angry behavior.

It is then of benefit to find a professional who can help the martial artist and karate-ka to see how each of these emotions lead to aggressive and violent behavior. Many people will make the assumption that they already know but that brings up another mental issue that hinders progress in learning to handle and somewhat control emotions, especially after they and the chemical dump hit. The mental issues involve, "cognizant dissonance and confirmation bias." These two are the main ones but also know that there are many other biases to know and understand. 

To be self-aware, truly self-aware, is how one sets the mind-state so when we learn all the other interesting and necessary things to defend-protect, especially the smallest part that is the physical, then we have a more robust and valid understanding to ensure that what is taught as self-defense is actually the full monty. 

Some basic and fundamental coping skills or strategies we can build on assuming people have achieved valid success in these early in life:

• Don’t blow things out of proportion by going over them time and again in your mind or allowing your mind to effect your emotions to the negative, try to breathe and remain calm.
• Don't allow your ego to trip you into the monkey brain due to what someone else says. 
• Try to be reasonable - accept that bad feelings are occasionally unavoidable and think of ways to make yourself feel better. Don't let yourself get infected by the emotional state of someone trying to egg you on or induce you to go monkey dancing toward escalation, etc. 
• Remain Relaxed - breathe deeply and slowly, diaphragmatically, while realizing the facial muscles, the neck muscles and the shoulder/chest muscles. Let you hands dangle and then shake them to a loose state. 
• Learn - notice what triggers you negative emotions during practice and training while also taking notice of every day events that trigger those states such as anger. Breathe them out, think about them in a calm state and ask yourself how you can reduce them and their effects. 
• Training and Practice (exercise) - use these to help relieve stresses and to relax while contemplating how you can use that state to reduce the effects when they hit at necessary and/or critical moments. 
• Let go of the past - constantly going over negative events, thoughts and feelings robs you of the present and makes you angry, frustrated and resentful like being stuck in an infinite self-fulfilling loop.

Caveat: I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist or other medical professional so take it all with a grain of salt and ask the professionals before following anything printed herein and know that the above are examples of how I practice and train. 

Be aware, be very self-aware and you will be aware of others when they get caught up in the monkey dance. You cannot avoid or deescalate potentially bad situations if you are not self-aware and therefore aware of others when they get caught by the monkey. 

Caveat: Now, all this is good when it involves others of like mind, such as your dojo-mates, but in this growing world social structure where many of differing cultural belief systems come together it becomes extremely difficult to control others in emotionally monkey states because what may seem inappropriate to us may be a way of life to someone else. Once you leave your front yard you encounter many, many different things and ignorance just leaves the ability to cope with the unknown, the things you don’t know and don’t know you don’t know are there. 

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