Verbal Self-Defense

Lets be frank, SD is complicated and for the majority keeping it away from the physical is the best strategy. A good tactic if avoidance was not possible is to resort to VSD or Verbal Self Defense. I have spoken of it, it is covered in many sources, and it can be very, very effective with one small caveat. It is not for the novice or beginner. If you misjudge many things in attempting to use VSD it can trigger reactions you were not wanting or want to avoid.

So, the question comes up of "How do you practice the art of VSD?" Much like fighting there are limitations that may or may not result in good training and practice. It is also to be noted that even with those who advocate VSD as a part of your SD tool box they don't actually provide you with any types of training or practice. I would venture to guess that this is because of its difficulty. No one situation will be repeated in another - each is so unique it makes it very difficult to train and practice.

Look at those who perform hostage negotiations, a type of verbal self defense or better verbal protection of others as well as the actual threat. You have persons who are trained in many different disciplines that take on this job. A general police person does not do this unless no other choice is available, it is too dangerous to all concerned.

If you have no choice then you have to do something other than allow it to become physical. Remember that sometimes violence is of the type where your in it deep before you even know it so VSD may not be available but lets hope you never, ever, have to deal with that.

So, back again, how do you train and practice. My only suggestion is to acquire as much knowledge as possible on the subject. I can recommend highly the book by Suzette Elgin, "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense." I am not an expert yet I have found that this starter is great if it does nothing else but make you aware of certain things regarding verbalization of thoughts and idea's.

I discourage drills or what you might perceive as reality training in VSD. It is too easy to get caught up in those pre-planned drills because awareness of the training and practice much like research tends to change the environment and intent. It is and can be too controlled and you don't want folks to think that what is practiced in that light is all that you need, etc. Remember, hostage negotiators and those who talk down the person on a high ledge are not relying on drills or practice in controlled environments. They tend to do a great deal of associative training, i.e. working with experienced persons for long training periods before ever venturing into lone encounters of hostage/suicide type situations.

Remember, I am only posting to get you thinking and I am not even beginning to cover all its complexities. I am personally training and practicing in my life because I have discovered that I am one who has used aggressive verbalization and am not proud of it so find that I am more aware of what I say and what others say to me.

It becomes important to me to use this awareness in my personal relationship so it remains a loving and personal relationship yet I am also using it in an environment that most never consciously consider as a war zone, work. This can be practiced at work with other staff and especially those in management positions. You will be surprised when you read this book, and others, when you are aware and thus recognize the bait/triggers when you or others have conversations. I even discovered through my efforts where my Verbalizations originate and they were necessary then yet not now yet I was still using them unconsciously.

Anyway, if you can apply the knowledge in life then hopefully you will be able to apply it in a high tension, with possible physical intent, situations to your benefit. If nothing else your VSD may provide you an opening to take the very best SD move, RUN for SAFETY!

I just wanted to post on this thought, "how to train, practice and learn VSD." Start with the book by Ms. Elgin. I want to say last that the reason I went for this book is because Mr. Rory Miller provided a full paragraph in his bibliography at the end of "Facing Violence" which meant to me, if he is that serious about the book then I had better read it myself - glad I did, a good beginning on VSD.

Note: The last the last chapter in the gentle art of verbal self-defense, i.e. "Conclusion: Emergency Techniques," and the very last technique, "Verbal Self-Defense against Physical Violence." She has some excellent recommendations that can be coupled with what Rory Miller provides in Facing Violence.