Count to Ten

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Today, modern technological times, is when this maxim should be held close as a means of communications. We have forgotten the rules of communications. How did we lose that capability? 

Technology is not at fault but it has made a huge contribution toward our pension to blurt out the first thoughts that come to our minds. In a conflict that can be damaging - psychologically speaking and more important, physically speaking. I only rediscovered this due to a malady that struck me about two or so years ago. More on that later.

Modern times has created an atmosphere where any hesitation is used to your detriment. If you pause to think before answering certain questions the questioner will immediately assume some sort of guilt. When we view inflammatory video’s on the Internet we immediately jump to conclusions that are often a result of biases and agenda’s to see, hear and believe when reality would say otherwise. We have forgotten to “Count to Ten.” 

In martial arts self-defense we discuss concepts like yin-yang, zanshin, mushin and the void but in reality we are simply giving those concepts lip service to makes us look, superior, when in reality the urge to instantly judge, assume and spew forth our agenda’s and beliefs with an underlying self-soothing need regardless of truth, justice, facts and relevancy. 

In martial arts self-defense the void, those natural and necessary pauses, are what allow us time, and sometimes distances, to think before we either spew forth some ego monkey antic type dysfunctionally driven dribble that more often than not gets us slugged. If we took that pause, the insertion of an empty void like the space between notes of a song that make the song - a song, as if we were counting to ten (sometimes very, very fast) we just might pull up an alternative that would allow us to avoid bodily harm or prosecution or even death. Yet, we blurt; spew; regurgitate; disgorge; bring up and so on bringing out the worst results possible.

About two years or so ago I had an incident, a medical incident. One that apparently resulted in, “Slowed reactions, issues and problems with multi-tasking, trouble occasionally thinking, or what some refer to as brainfog or muddy thinking.” What that has come to mean is I am now forced to count to ten, to think a slight bit more before I can understand and respond to stimuli (yes, that means I focus a lot more on my awareness so I can avoid, etc.). I noticed when dealing with discussions that are somewhat sensitive that when in receipt of what someone expresses to me that pause I now take, like counting to ten fast, usually results in the other  person taking offense as if I were trying to think up a lie to tell (yes, that is often the other persons issue projected on me but it does make a point). 

Yes, in such martial defense situations you really want to think quickly but do you really want the first impulsive response to come out? Isn’t that one way you end up escalating into physical violence? Isn’t it possible, especially in social conflict and violence, that you have time since that often has steps taken to reach physical violence so that you can literally count to ten, reconsider your position and then take appropriate actions and words to avoid and deescalate? 

Watch folks around you as you go through your day. Notice something, when the cell phone rings they “Instinctually reach” for it and answer it regardless of what they are doing and where they are going. How many times were you in a discussion with someone when the text or email chime rang and they instantly and instinctually stopped, immediately begin to ignore you, answer it and then respond to that text or email? Don’t you think such instinctual reactions to technology bleed over into other aspects of your life? Could such things cause us to require others to respond to us immediately with the very first thought and word that oozes from our mouths? 

I work in the IT industry and have found over the last decade or so people being forced to respond to the wants, needs and requirements for “Instant Gratification” without pause and if they don’t they are therefore taught to feel they are losing something or being left behind or unable to compete and stay up where that result effects their bottom line, their livelihood - isn’t that a survival thing? If it is a survival thing then doesn’t that make what we are experiencing an “Addiction?” No, I am NOT advocating that because it is an addiction that we are excused from it but am advocating we all take responsibility for ourselves and take appropriate actions to remove that addiction however even if it is just taking appropriate time every day to remove ourselves completely from technology, taking a pause from it or “Counting to Ten” to alleviate the pressures and stresses. 

If this is true then don’t we owe it to ourselves in the arena of conflict and violence to “Count to Ten” before we act, talk or communicate so as to convey true, relevant and realistic meaning beneficial to all parties concerned? Isn’t this how we accomplish avoidance and especially “Deescalation?”

Teach the model of “Counting to Ten” and then practice it, train it, and make it a part of applying the void, the pause, so you can think then act. Make this a part of your self-defense to avoid and deescalate. Stop reacting to technology, stop reacting to the first emotional feeling you get from internal and external stimuli, stop being an asshole and create a personality and character conducive to avoiding and deescalating conflict thus violence. 

Here is a small step, a method to use in practice counting to ten. Remember that breathe, breathing, is critical in keeping calm, clearing the mind and countering effects of adrenal stress. When you detect such stresses begin to count while breathing in-out, deeply and slowly and down into the diaphragm, until you reach ten (you can use the combat breathing method of the four count and to get more out of it do that at least three times so you reach at least ten, if time and distance permit). Do this in practice, do this when you feel stress and urges to blurt out emotional retorts to others and do this when you ready for meetings, etc., at work making it a habit and instinctual. When you truly need it then it will be available, now ain’t that great?

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