Be Polite

Well, once again the obvious is slapped up side my head and I gotta say, being polite is not what I would expect to be a tool in self-defense and yet thinking about it at this moment it does make perfect sense. I believe it is difficult, in most circumstances, to engage in a conflict and/or violence it you are “being a polite” person. 

You know that being polite is but I will provide my views here just the same. Knew I would, didn’t you? When a person shows another person respect and consideration they are being polite. When you relate to others civilly, courteously, respectfully, graciously and so on you are being polite. I also believe being polite is also about how you perceive others as well. Just acting out these traits is not enough.

When you live and breath good manners or proper etiquette you are being not only polite but respectful to that persons cultural beliefs. This is where polite gets a bit difficult because your perceptions of polite must be tempered with a knowledge and understanding of the other person who may not be of your tribe, your culture and your belief systems. 

When do you find yourself in conflict? Usually when you are inconsiderate, rude and/or negative in both language, tone and body language. So, if you want to convey through the mediums of body language, verbiage and tone-rhythm-cadence of the spoken language you have to believe in it, live it in all you say or do and then display it through example. It is also an awareness that comes along with social, environmental and personal awareness. It must be one of the self-conscious actions done instinctively.

Now, this does not mean that you won’t need SD but it goes a very long way toward “avoidance.” It is harder to be angry with someone who is wholeheartedly and truly a polite person. I am also not saying that one must be perceived as an easy target because of the politeness as I believe you can still convey a hard target while being polite. As a matter of fact I feel it is critical in being perceived as a capable person while showing politeness. It is like those displays that tell a predator that you are not a good target but to many you appear to be a capable, independent, confident and nice-polite king of person. I think that is possible and should also be an intricate part of any SD training and practices. 

It becomes a part of the EI (Emotional Intelligence) I have been studying of late. It is about identifying emotions, especially those that lead to conflict and violence, and providing a tempering of steel in directing those toward one’s more conducive of controlling our monkey brains. I also want to stress that there is this thing Marc MacYoung calls the “monkey slide” we, as humans, have to deal with and firmly believe this polite thing will go a long way toward not losing to the slide, at least not so much or if you do maybe it will be one of those non-physical violent slides. One of my goals, to recognize anger and dip it in the cool waters of tranquility. 

So, be polite. Train and practice being polite. Make politeness a part of avoidance SD training and practice. If you find yourself saying, “Hey, no way dude, that is for sissies,” then recognize that your monkey is driving you toward your doom, arghhhhh.

Hey, if it helps look at it as a similar method dramatized in the movie, “Road House,” with Patrick Swayze, “Dalton: I want you to be polite until it's time to not be polite.” (I changed the word “nice” to “polite.”) And just for the fun of it, “Dalton: All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be polite.” (nice to polite again my doing)