Respect without Respect

How can you respect someone while lacking respect for someone? You can. Liken this to having respect for the knowledge of a person while lacking respect for the character of that person. I recently posted on a person for whom I lost a great deal of respect but at the same time I have respect for what that person has achieved in the narrow view of traditional martial art Isshinryu of Okinawa. 

I wanted to clarify what I meant because I still go to this persons postings on the Internet to data-dive for information of interest regarding Isshinryu but at the same time I have lost a good deal of respect because of certain traits that have lead to what I perceive as outside the more esoteric gifts the practice tend to lead us to if we study the full spectrum of said martial system. 

Who is to say that what I perceive as to the more esoteric learnings of a martial system are "the ones" we should follow. I am not sure yet I feel that at least at its core the values I use in this meaning are parallel to those others who practice along the same lines. 

I use what I call "the code (American Bushido) as a kind of guide for this subject. I attempt wholeheartedly to live, breath and act accordingly and I rely heavily on my actions and deeds to convey this over simply regurgitating the code. Any code that a person follows as a philosophical guide to the way of life must be passed on through actions and deeds there by creating a foundation where actions and deeds convey the right messages. 

Much like the Samurai of Ancient Japan who had their code of conduct, bushi-do, we also must have our own code to use as a guide in our lives and especially in the practice of the martial arts.

What I propose is to provide a set of guidelines (specifics should be addressed in procedures and practices of an association) to bring back the art of civility not only in society but in the community of martial artists.

This is not a code to dictate how one will act, it is not going to provide rules to follow or recriminations if you do not. I would base the code on "Giri" or "That which is hardest to bear". This code of conduct is to be provided so the individual can decide whether to follow them or not (Giri). It is a personal decision and choice much like the one we all made when we began our practice.

If it is not then it should be well known that the core of any activity be it work or an art form requires that one act in a manner that is accepted by society as a whole with the well being of that society as a primary concern. All to often that precept is lost in the pursuit of the ego or the self. I propose through these codes to provide a venue to those who choose to take this path so they may return to the core of any civil society, that of civility and kindness.

Let this be a code that as a fundamental precept of the fighting arts, creates a good, successful, and serene life, to instill a quality of life unparallel anywhere. Let this guide you in creating a healthy effective way to a better quality of life.

Only we as a person of bushi can measure the success we have in life by the way we treat one another every day. This code of conduct is a means of guiding us on this truly noble endeavor. The code is based on respect, restraint, and responsibility toward society and the community (of fighting artists).

Let us forge and polish our souls and express it through our every word and action. Let it reflect our true identity and that of the community of which we are members; for with out we would have chaos.

We have a choice about how we behave! (The following will have reference to the martial art community yet upon removal you will find that it applies to everyone and everything)

The Code:

Code One: Never strike first. Assume courtesy and respect with appropriate kindness in all your personal encounters. No actions taken are with out consequences for others. Anticipate what those consequences will be and act accordingly. How we choose to respond dictates the outcome.

Code Two: Develop proper attitude in you daily life. Look inside yourself for ways to cope successfully with life's difficulties with out ignoring the outside world. Remain positive in every thought and with every deed.

Code Three: Pay Attention! When ever you encounter another you must "to attend to" or pay attention. Remain alert to the person, environment, and be diligent in attending to the appropriate changes necessary to create a positive outcome to the encounter. To pay attention is to demonstrate your expression to the other as a worthy person. Your acknowledgement of the person validates them and shows your desire to treat them as equals and establish them as worthwhile individuals.

Code Four: Keep vigilant in your encounters, actions, and/or deeds when with others to validate their existence, their importance in society, and their personal feelings.

Code Five: Always think the very best of others. Assume the best and act accordingly with out losing sight of positive awareness in case of a sudden change. Approach every encounter with others as if they are good, honest, and sensitive.

Code Six: Possibly one of the most important rules you can assume in life is to "Listen". Listening or lack thereof is the most common reason for conflict. Listen to the words and feelings; focus on the person communicating; let silence be your primary means of action; let go of your past experiences and be in the present moment; disregard all thoughts of the future and be in the present moment; concentrate on just listening before doing anything else; establish eye contact; let you body reflect the positive; let your voice, tone, and response be on the others comments, actions, body language, intent, and so on; don't rush to agree or disagree; simply show understanding.

Code Seven: Speak kindly and never speak ill of others. Be the person others speak of as the one who never uttered an unkind word. Let that be your legacy. Always keep in your mind that you are speaking/interacting with a living, breathing, vulnerable human beings; always remember the power of words. Remember:

* When we speak to anyone in a derogatory manner we hurt.

* It is a coward who resorts to the use of words or deeds to attack another.

* How we speak to others reflects on ourselves.

* If we are present when ill words are spoken we can leave, remain silent, say something positive, or openly communicate to the attacker as to what they are doing.

Code Eight : A fundamental rule of society; one that is relevant and important when ever one comes into contact with another; decent behavior is when we care enough not to make problems, ours or theirs, into either our or their problem. The way we treat others is always a reflection of our own self-worth. Respect is a corner stone of any one persons contact with another. Assume they deserve it and then give it whole heartily.

Code Nine : Care for others as if they were a guest in your home. Be hospitable to every one you meet or connect with even if only for the moment. Get to know others by listening and when you talk to them talk from the heart. Always be considerate of others, no excuses.

Code Ten: Refrain for taking action or speaking with out thinking twice. How you communicate can result in either a peaceful resolution or a combative one which can turn quickly into a physical altercation. Self-restraint means we ignore the ego and stay in the current moment with complete respect and regard for the opinions of others regardless of our assessments. The goal is to have an amicable meeting of the minds when two connect in today's society. Civility or lack thereof are major causes of anger, fear, and conflict.

Code Eleven: Don't try to shift responsibility or blame to others. Take complete responsibility for all of your actions be they verbal or physical. Your attitude and how you express it can be either acceptable to all or not. When not, then you have conflict. Conflict does not benefit anyone.

Code Twelve : Develop the courage necessary to be brave. Bravery and courage does not mean jumping into any confrontation with the desire to win at all costs. It takes one who has courage to avoid conflicts, to find alternatives to doing battle. To create relationships that end in proper balance for all concerned is the epitome of bravery and courage. Anyone can take up arms and do battle yet only the very bravest; those with the most courage; are able to overcome the ego within and to achieve peace and tranquility within and in society.

Code Thirteen: Create good will among those who you come in contact by providing the type of influence that creates camaraderie; a societal connection of benefit for all. Be a benevolent guide to your fellow man; influence them to influence themselves; become someone who creates a desire in others to become a better person and a complete part of the society in which we all live.

Code Fourteen: Conduct yourself with the highest morality and personal values necessary to influence others to follow the path of civility; kindness to others. To provide others with good example of morals, proper conduct, and the type of courtesy that leaves a favorable impression is a great achievement.

Code Fifteen: To conduct one's life with ideals of both truth and honesty is the highest achievement of a bushi warrior or a solid citizen of society.

Code Sixteen: Loyalty to self, loyalty to the group, loyalty to society is a hallmark of a true citizen who contributes to the betterment of society. This is not blind but with a true heart in creating a bond among each of us that transcends the ego and creates a feeling of belonging and benefits all.

Code Seventeen: Make it your goal to achieve within yourself humility, respect, righteousness, trust, loyalty, will, endurance, perseverance, patience, and courage as your standards in living. At least make a commitment to "Try" every day for your entire life.

Code Eighteen: Make it a personal goal to look within yourself with truth and honesty with the outcome of acknowledgement as to your own foibles; to make it your life's measure to achieve dominance over such foibles; to never allow them to lead you astray from the noble path you have chosen; to never allow them to create disharmony among others; make this a most important trait of your personality and try to achieve the goals of the code daily, moment by moment. Make this your presence as a personal present to yourself.

Code Nineteen: Remember tolerance at all costs. Lack of tolerance is unfair to others and opens the door to discontent, anger, and conflict. Put yourself in anothers position as if what you say or do effects you and act/adjust accordingly. To remember that everyone is a person; a human being; vulnerable; sensitive and no different than ourselves before you speak or act is important; do it.

Code Twenty : Keep your balance. Study, train, and practice to achieve balance or In-yo (Yin-yang). Create the one by achieving balance. The ability to achieve balance is a cornerstone of a serene life. Balance in mind and body. To achieve emotional balance leads to life's balance and allows us to follow the way through our code reflecting on others, on society, for all our benefit.

The goal of the code is not to dictate to others our own personal perspective of what is acceptable or not to an individual or society. It is a personal code for the individual thus is provided in as a generic form as possible to fit everyone. It is a simple guide that assists others in creating a personal life to live that is conducive to creating a society that is humble and serene.

Remember "Giri" or that which is hardest to bear. It is a personal obligation that no one can require of you but you yourself. If you don't feel it then you don't have it. No one will take you to task for not assuming the obligation. No one will come down on you. You must decide for yourself that this is the path you desire most and then stick to it under all circumstances, to the end of this life. Giri, assume it or not. Your choice, choose wisely.