To Ask for Help

In a recent posting by "Samurai Girl" she talked about "asking for help" outside the normal karate theme but not outside the theme. Read it here. My post is one that her post got me to considering, senior level/grade karate-ka pride.

Pride is something that has to be resisted a lot in life. Pride is one of those things that gets folks into trouble, sometimes trivially and sometimes to a point of damage both physical and psychological. When you achieve a level of practice and training - longevity of say twenty or more years - you can fall into a mode where an assumption you need not ask questions or ask for help becomes an unconscious thing (for lack of any better descriptive word). The reverse is kohai who don't question or ask questions of either sempai or Sensei.

I have to say that as a person of a particular gender this is more of an issue for that gender than the other one. It comes down to the perception of face, to the teaching that a certain gender cannot allow things to be expressed or admitted or lived because one may lose face (with all the baggage that comes with that).

The moment we allow ourselves to "not ask for help" we stifle our growth; mentally, physically and spiritually. I think of it this way, as a Sensei or a Sempai I do an injustice to those who choose to follow my example if I allow myself to stop asking questions, seeking answers and asking for help.

SG's theme in the post of hers was a bit closer to a personal need for help but that is not the limit she seemed to convey to me. Like my post of face, asking for help is not just about when you are in danger, feeling those emotions that hurt but rather whenever your in need of some help from any and all sources.

A key to asking for help is to let go of your ego, let go of your pride and take that step - a most difficult step in certain instances for certain genders - and ask. Communications are such that you can contemplate the situation and then compose the question in a form that will allow you to preserve face, if needed, and allow both parties to come to a synchronistic joining of the minds that helps you and in almost all cases teaches both something, important.

Building a bridge between others is crucial to communications and to tribal cohesion (think family, friends, and dojo mates). Building a bridge that transcends any face, ego or pride means survival at it its most basic level and at the fundamental level means learning, growing and attaining knowledge that hopefully meets the "do" of karate-do, to attain enlightenment and all it entails.

When you know you need something, personal or non-personal, don't allow that instinctive resistance to stop or hinder; consider it, contemplate it, and then ask for help.

Rank, age, style, system, race, creed, country, beliefs - none of it should stop you from getting help especially if of such a personal nature it causes you harm. After all, self defense is all about avoiding damage.