Much like the basic techniques we practice in karate there are some basics to practice in learning verbal self-defense. Dr. Elgin's books on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense explain them very well. This will only be a introduction to those books.
Much like upper and lower waza there are two main basic fundamentals you will learn from her, Dr. Elgin, instruction. The upper waza are detection of the sensory mode. The lower waza are detection of the satir mode.
I will refrain from getting the details here. I do not have the expertise and level of proficiency to accomplish this with accurate certainty. There are fundamentals to each that provide you the tools to practice.
Quickly, to identify the sensory mode you would identify the one you feel is your primary mode. Do not take for granted you know. Identify it and spend the next few weeks paying attention to what you say especially when your stress levels go up a bit. You may surprise yourself to feel rather than see which is your primary.
I initially identified mine as touch. As time moves I am starting to realize that mine may be seeing. One point that says this to me is a lot of my posts for the ken-po goku-i seem to point to seeing. I even hear what someone reads to me and then have a strong desire to read it myself. I find that I am not fully understanding what is read unless I read it for myself. Hmmm. interesting. I anxiously await to see what I discover these next few days to weeks.
I recommend taking the studies from Dr. Elgin's books and then break them down into sections or phases to learn the systems. A bit like fundamental principles, stances or kamae, basic waza, kata, etc. until you can achieve daily use of this system of communications.
One point of importance. Although called verbal self-defense, this system works both ways. It is a defensive method and it is an offensive method. You can protect as well as enhance by the verbal techniques used. Read the books then read them again with martial arts self defense in mind. You will see the connections and applications. (oh, even if you don't see to MA; the value in general is astounding)
The series of books as follows:
Elgin, Suzette. "The Gentle Art of Self-Defense at Work." New York. Prentice Hall Press. 2000.
Elgin, Suzette. "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" Barnes & Noble. 1993.
Elgin, Suzette. "More on The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" Fireside. 1991.
Elgin, Suzette. "The Gentle Art of Written Self-Defense" MJF Books. 1997
Elgin, Suzette. "The Last Word on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" Barnes & Noble. 1995
Oh, yea. Dr. Elgin uses a martial art metaphor in the book(s) ;-)
Examples of Sensory Words from Internet:
Use the following to get the basics of sensory mode identification started for your practice and training. It is to be remembered that this type of practice and training can be done every day at home, work, and play. Try it, see what happens when you identify a sensory mode and then match it during your conversation [caution: be careful, being a novice means you may not match it initially and that could cause stress]
Sight Words:
Colors: colorless, white, ivory, yellow, gold, orange, green, olive, turquoise, azure, pink, crimson, maroon, lavender, purple, silver, brown, black, mottled, red, ruby, blue, spotted
Shape: round, oval, triangular, rectangular, square, shapeless
Size: immense, massive, large, tiny, small, tall, short, wide, long, narrow, lean
Appearance : round, flat, curved, wave/wavy, ruffled, angular, hollow, tapered, wiry, lopsided, freckled, wrinkled, striped, bright, clear, glossy, jeweled, fiery, shimmering, muddy, drab, dark, grimy, worn, cluttered, fresh, flowery, transparent, sheer, opaque, muscular, handsome, robust, fragile, pale, perky, lacy, shadowy
Hearing Words
crash, squawk, crackle, chime, ring, thud, whine, buzz, laugh, silence, bump, bark, clink, gurgle, chuckle, boom, bleat, hiss, giggle, cry, thunder, bray, snort, guffaw, bawled, bang, blare, bellow, sing, crow, roar, rumble, growl, hum, chatter, scream, grate, whimper, mutter, mumble, screech, slam, stammer, murmur, wail, shout, clap, snap, whisper, babble, yell, stomp, rustle, sigh, cheer, whistle, jangle, whir, hush, storm
Taste Words
oily, rich, bland, ripe, buttery, hearty, tasteless, medicinal, salty, mellow, sour, fishy, bitter, sugary, vinegary, spicy, bittersweet, crisp, fruity, hot, sweet, savory, tangy, burnt
Smell Words
sweet, piney, acrid, sickly, scented, pungent, burnt, stagnant, fragrant, spicy, gaseous, musty, aromatic, gamy, putrid, moldy, perfumed, fishy, spoiled, dry, fresh, briny, sour, damp, earthy, sharp, rancid, dank
Touch (feeling) Words
cool, wet, silky, sandy, cold, slippery, velvety, gritty, icy, spongy, smooth, rough, lukewarm, mushy, soft, sharp, tepid, oily, woolly, thick, warm, waxy, furry, dry, hot, fleshy, feathery, dull, steamy, rubbery, fuzzy, thin, sticky, bumpy, hairy, fragile, damp, crisp, leathery, tender
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