I have come to realize that when emotions kick in be it anger, fear, resentment, etc. that those emotions, all natural and all transitory, it is not the emotions that do the damage but the "stories" we tend to connect to them that create damage. The emotions govern the body and mind so we can handle the causes and provide results best fitted to our health and well-being YET when we allow our minds, the monkey brain, to add it all kinds of unsubstantiated and fictional based stories we exacerbate the emotions keeping the running on high speed instead of letting them naturally come, reach a peak, and then go away.
Some guy cuts you off taking an off ramp, you are startled, fear of an accident emotions kicks into high speed. If you just experience the emotion of fear and allow it to die out on its own then you can feel relief and move on but most of us allow the monkey brain to kick in so stories start up like, "that asshole, he almost killed me, I could just ram his back end and then get out and stomp his ass to kingdom come ..." and it doesn't just stop there cause those words inflame your anger emotion which the statement triggered as an add on the fear, fear at its height plus the story shifts it to anger, at its height and then keeps it up and high since one story leads to another story and so on. The story drives us, the monkey brain, if we allow it, drives our emotions to remain in high gear.
Look at it like getting in your car, turn it on, then depress the accelerator, out of gear of course, until the engine revolutions reach maximum and then hold it there. Very soon that level of stress and strain will cause something to give. In humans it can be health effects or it can as to emotions lead anger to intent to posturing to actual actions that will lead you to more ... the story/monkey drives that train and it is full speed ahead until it hits a wall. What needs to occur is for you, the person in the monkey's passenger seat, to stop it before the train becomes a run-a-way train.
The story is the true culprit to all conflict. Mindfulness, recognize the emotion and the story. Don't try to kill or stop the emotion. If you do the effects are just as devastating. Simply name it, let it come, and then let it go. When you see or recognize the start of a story, stop and keep stopping BEFORE it gets its hooks in and drags you down a very bad path.
I came across a very bad situation this Sunday. I felt the anger, my body felt it, my actions began the suddenly I took a deep breathe and realized it, let the anger be experienced and then suddenly felt it was gone - all with out letting one word of any story intervene. It allowed me to regain control of self an then allow the other to run the gamut of anger and stories not contributing to it and allowing my seeming calm affect the other person. It worked and deescalated what in the past usually turns into an all day anger fest into a few minutes of discomfort.
It works, it requires practice, practice, practice, yet IT WORKS!
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